Pay The Ghost (2015)

To start with I was impressed as it's not too often these days that you see a "big budget" horror that's not found footage.

Nicholas Cage and that lass out of Walking Dead/Prison Break star in this colour-by-numbers horror about a child that vanishes on Halloween into a nether realm and their hunt for said kid along with other vanished youths.

Much like it's peers of the day (namely Insidious) it's a flick that starts off creepy and then has that effect that someone is stood next to you blowing a massive raspberry while flicking cheese at the screen.

Cage's over-acting is almost parody, the rest of the cast are almost stereotypes of themselves and the plot makes you want to poke both eyes out with a dog poo.

A mysterious woman who has the time to explain the whole plot to the couple searching for the kids, the sceptical police man, the vultures as spirits, the blind homeless man who leads Cage over a bridge into the netherworld.... everything has been done to death and the only original thing about this was the possessed kick bike.

The first 30 minutes or so dragged me in and then it was a bit like they changed directors from Eli Roth to a 15-year old girl.

Avoid.

3/10 Masks.

The Visit (2015)

In 1999 M.Night Shyamalan exploded onto the horror/thriller scene and into our hearts with the masterpiece that was the Sixth Sense. A film with one of the most shocking and unexpected twists since Darth Vader turned out to be Luke Skywalker's father or Michael Caine snogged Christopher Reeve - sadly though he never really managed to quite reach the standard again and in fact not only gave us some truly awful stinkers (Lady In The Water) but some complete let-downs of epic proportions (The Village).

However, the twist in M.Night Shyamalan's latest movie THE VISIT is...it doesn't suck.

So the premise - almost "found footage" as most is filmed through our two young star's camera as they are making a documentary. Two young children go to stay with their estranged grandparents in a remote part of the country while their mother goes on holiday for some catching up on her missed youth.

The stay is staggered and jumpy but takes a turn down surreal alley when the grandmother starts leaving her bed at night to exhibit odd behaviours round the house such as running up and down and clawing at the wall while naked.

The grandfather explains that this is a medical condition similar to sleepwalking and appears to be the steady rock until it's revealed that he cannot control his bowels and stores his soiled adult nappies in a big pile in his shed. A little later our children catch him resting his shotgun in his mouth before changing position and sheepishly explaining that he was only cleaning it.

The behaviours get stranger and stranger and the children start to document it all. Something is certainly not right with the old couple and the night time wanderings are just the start.

So now we get to "the twist" - of course I'm not going to tell you what it is here, but being an M.Night Shyamalan movie you will, as I was, be guessing what it might be from the start, and much like The Village I managed to figure it out in about 15 minutes - so the rest of the film was just to wait to see if I was right.

Our characters in The Visit are played greatly, and Shyamalan has seemed to return to his stripped down basics of a film which puts you right in the middle of the action. Plenty of jump-scares ensue and a who pile of moments where you'll actually be puzzled and shocked at what is happening as The Visit turns into surreal thriller and you're never 100% sure which path it might take next.

Creepy and minimalist - a return to form.

7/10 Skulls.

Cooties (2015)

Cooties completes our horror-comedy double feature this evening. One look at the picture (or the trailer) will confirm that this film has a cast to die for.

Rainn Wilson, Hugo from Lost, Napoleon Dynamite, Scott Pilgrim's drummer, that bloke out of Scream Queens and of course Frodo Baggins.

A rouge virus infects the chickens that are made into school meals and turns a group of school kids into insane flesh-eating zombies where the only people left standing are the teachers who have to defend themselves against the pint-sized terrors.

It's not the greatest film ever made but when you've got that level of comedy faces on one screen you just know that it's going to be a good ride. A cheap one, but a good one.

There are all sorts of running gags including pokes at the casts other films (Rainn Wilson calling Elijah Wood a Hobbit made milk come out my nose) a so-cliche-its-funny love triangle story, the obligatory stoner complete with imaginary animal friends and of course a bunch of zombie-kids running about ripping everyone's limbs off like a bargain bucket.

Mark this one up as "Sunday Afternoon Viewing" and enjoy it for the straight-to-video (literally) B-Movie it is.

8/10 Masks

Teen Lust (2014)

Part 1 of my comedy-horror double feature today is Canadian flick Teen Lust.

OK, lets set the story - a high school guy needs to lose his virginity, he gets into all sorts of adventure trying while his parents try to stop him because for him it's life or death.

We've seen that story before right? OK but what if I told you that his parents were members of a satanic cult and need to sacrifice a virgin to raise the devil and bring about the end times!

Turns it all on it's head and this original take on the teen high school comedy is a pure charm.

Carere and Sabara as the hero and hero's annoying voice of not-so-much-reason best friend make an amazing double act as they try to find something to have sex with while members of the cult are in hot pursuit messing it up for them at every turn.

True Blood star Kristin Bauer van Straten and Cary Elwes (best known for The Princess Bride) play the squabbling leaders of the cult with Elwes almost turning into Terry Gilliam in places.

The movie does it's best also to reference a lot of the popular teen flicks of the 70s and 80s - you'll spot them if you look hard!

Great laughs - not so heavy on the horror but for a piece of satanic-themed coming of age comedy it's all you need.

8/10 Masks

Some Kind Of Hate (2015)

Ex-Teen idol Grace Phillips stars in this tale of revenge from beyond the grave that I can only describe as sort of like the "not the best" album from a band that you really like.

It's dark and lo-fi and kicks off with a close-up of an Arik Roper poster which is cool.

A troubled teen gets sent off to some sort of new-age camp for naughty kids where he is picked on by a gang of bullies. Summoning the restless spirit of a girl that killed herself on the camp some years previous (because of bullies) she sets about picking off the not-so-happy-campers one at a time.

It's got all the grit of a great horror combined with lots of jump scares and blood splatters.

However, it just fails to completely cut the mustard with its ghostly razor blade - probably as you've seen most of it before elsewhere and secondly there is not enough of a hook-line to catch you. If they'd added another element to this, even a gimmick it might have stood out more.

Still worth a watch however and certainly the springboard for Grace Phillips to move away from her Disney paddock.

6/10 Masks.

Area 51 (2015)

Unsurprisingly the general public of this mostly negative - and you can quite clearly see why.

The unimaginative title is where it starts and we follow this up with the hated "found footage" genre of a bunch of kids breaking into Area 51. The locals tell them horror stories of government cover ups and guess what?

Really this film could be made up of clips cut from any of the billion films covering the same subject that you've seen time and time again.

However....I personally enjoyed this one quite a lot, despite the plot probably being written on the back of a cornflakes packet it carried a certain charm. It's 100% nothing that you haven't already seen but that just seemed to cover all the bases.

I guess I'm also a sucker for the whole Area 51 conspiracy. With some suitably tense moments and actually a few surprises you maybe won't enjoy this as much as I did but I'd not consign it to the bargain bin just yet..

6/10 Masks.

The Harvest (2015)

Again a movie that I'd loathe to call a "horror" per se but certain was creepy as hell and sure, if I struggled to find a category for it then why not.

On the surface this one didn't seem to interest me very much but once I'd started watching it did a great job of dragging me in and holding me there.

The Harvest is dark and strange - the story follows a boy who after an accident is house-bound and cared for by his parents. Who in themselves seem very odd and tense, especially when a new young female neighbour oversteps the boundaries of their self-imposed isolation.

As the film develops you start to become aware that certainly something is wrong and off about the whole situation - it appears to be that the mother is keeping him in some sort of Munchausen By Proxy deal, but without revealing too much, it's much worse.

Acted fantastically, set perfectly and 100% one to watch.

7/10 Masks

Jurassic Prey (2015)

Right - look at the picture above. Imagine that animated stop motion in a way so bad that it's not even good, it's just bad. Now cut that in with images of what looks like a sock puppet or a rubber kids toy - ok? That's the film's climax. There, I just saved you 90 mins of your life.

Look at the DVD cover:

Now look at the actual film:

No one in their right mind would even want to make, be in or watch this movie. Not even as a joke. There's some sort of a plot too but whatever it is cannot excuse this steaming pile of a film.


ZERO/10 MASKS! And that's being generous.

Kantemir (2015)

It's been 12 years since Robert Englund last donned the razor fingered glove and striped jumper of the nightmare master Freddy Krueger - since then, while he has been shining in our hearts, he maybe has not been shining on our screens.

Kantemir is the latest instalment in what seems to be a run of roles for Englund that would make Wes Craven spin in his grave.

In fact, although it's not a completely duff film, it does somewhat draw a lot of parallels to Craven's "New Nightmare". A cast of actors are assembled to act out a play, and as time progresses they start to become the roles themselves including a lot of (literal) backstabbing.

Director Ben Samuels draws influence from surreal horror such as A Company Of Wolves or Gothic to deliver what is still a toddler-stage film for him.

As I said, it's not a complete botch, there is enough there to keep you watching but such a rich canvas could have used not only more experience but a complete re-write (especially the ending) - Keep an eye on Samuels as this could be one of his "early years" films before he becomes the next Ken Russell.

5/10 Masks

Pod (2015)

Pod runs like an extra long (good) episode of The X-Files, just minus the Mulder and Scully.

Two siblings answer (or rather turn up when they were told not to) the call of their brother and find him boarded up in his remote home in a state of mental breakdown. Having been dismissed from the military on mental health grounds previously his stability is always at question.

He is apparently deluded and rambling paranoid insanities about a beast or an alien monster that he caught and trapped in his basement, after removing his teeth (that's how they track you) and stabbing himself in the neck the remaining siblings are left to discover what's really in the basement.

Pod plays out really well, it does nod back to shows such as The X-Files and Twilight Zone as there is an atmosphere of suspense and tension running through it. What starts off as a family drama becomes more twisted and we get to know if what ever it was the brother trapped, or believed he trapped is in the house at all.

It is the sort of movie that sucks you in and keeps you there with its lo-fi genuine grit. The heavy dialogue keeps you with the action and tension all the way.

7/10 Masks

Girl House (2014)

Gore AND nuddy girls? I'm in! Girl House is a Canadian slasher that was honestly tons better than I had expected.

Summed up it follows the story of a young college student that, needing money offers all her jubbly bits up to a Playboy Mansion style house that streams its girls live 24/7 for the ultimate experience.

It's a classy operation and all above board with the top security in the world, until an obsessed and spurned fan with a hankering for his girls naked of flesh and body parts as well as clothes decides to pay them a visit.

It's well put together, for the subject matter it could of easily gone down the road of Zombies vs Strippers but the main focus wasn't silicon mammaries doing their best to jiggle all over the place.

It has some great tense moments, I wouldn't even say much of it was that predictable and although not over the top there are some lovely gory moments. Our grunting, speechless killer makes for a great modern day masked slasher, as ridiculous as it he creepy the juxtaposition really works.

Believable lovable characters that you actually are not just waiting to see their innards all over the walls - made for a great flick.

7/10 Masks.