Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

Jane Austen's not so subtle critique of the "landed gentry" of the 1800s is well known by both schoolboy and servant, in fact anyone that has been interested in or been forced to study literature.

Very much like her own way of making what would these days pass for "ooo burn" or "lols" of that society. It's a great book, but just not a very interesting one.

A few years ago someone decided to do us all a favour and add zombies and martial arts to the book, instantly making it 100% more awesome.

Translating this into a movie just had to be done and what a splendid feast it is - can't really give you spoilers as the general theme won't leave much to guess once you've read the title. Needless to say Mr.Darcy and the Bennet girls are packing an undead-slaying arsenal.

The plot follows some basic themes and story of the original, just obviously with a world covered in zombies instead - which are a nusiance for the well-to-do.

If you're unfamiliar with Austen's work this might shoot over your head and just seem like a bit of an odd zombie flick - if you're paying attention then the cast and writing will have you bent over laughing.

Probably something of a novelty that may wear off, this could however save kids doing their English GCSE's for decades.

7/10 Masks

The Witch (2016)

One of the many "we've been waiting since the trailer" movies that finally falls in my greasy lap... The Witch.

Like that other movie about a witch from the 90s, how much I liked it only snuck up on me afterwards. On the outside, The Witch is a very bleak and simple film about a family in the 1600s that is cast out from their village for one un-puritan reason or another. Staring at corn ears or something.

Moving out to the countryside and building a farm their newborn is snatched from under their noses during a game of peek-a-boo (the evilest of games) and taken by what we presume is a witch.

What follows is a sort of "who-is-it" game where the children get taken or possessed and strange things happen, evil and witchcraft is suspected and maybe one of the children is in league with the devil. Two creepy twins that talk to and play with a black goat maybe doesn't help. It's all very slow and very character-focused with not much action or revelation until the last 15 minutes or so.

The whole feeling of the film is not a million miles from 2009's "Antichrist" for it's minimalist tone, which does add to the tension.

Ralph "Finchy" Ineson plays the father of the family in one of his first roles where he's not Finchy I believe.

Where as it's not jump-scary or reliant on effects and gore it sits with you and the tension builds and sucks you in. In the end Finchy beats the Witch by challenging her to a game of throwing a copper kettle over a pub.

Ok that may not happen. The climax will win you over though. And that's Blockbusters.

8/10 Masks

The Forest (2016)

Oh and the trailer was SO promising....

Well here we go, a little hiatus from the blog and I'm back to watching "horror"... The Forest however is not one that is going to make me lose any sleep, although it did manage to make me waste an hour and a bit...

I thought that this was one of those remakes of an Asian movie where they just use the same location and actors but crowbar a few American actors in, ie: The Ring, The Grudge etc - so I was quite surprised to find out that this was an original piece.

Sarah (played by Natalie Dormer aka "that one out of Game Of Thrones") has lost her sister Jess (also played by Dormer, 'cos they is twins) after she travelled to Japan and has gone in to the Aokigahara forest, famous for people going there to top themselves.

Worried that this might be the case that suicide is on the cards Sarah travels to Japan and goes off in search of her sister, despite being warned by everyone not to go alone/off the path/etc and because as in all films no one has a f**king mobile phone. Instead she relies on her "special twin sixth sense" which is about as much use as asking the cat to do the washing up.

The forest is filled with spooky ghosts and stuff and apparently will make your senses imagine things that would make you drive yourself to death...which is pretty good as the forest does as advertised and will actually help you along the way.

Anyway, she bumps into this other American bloke, and they go off in search of the missing sister and spooky stuff happens but it's not that spooky and then a massive pile of "well I saw that coming about an hour ago" happens and then it's the end.

And unlike Game Of Thrones she keeps her kit on throughout whole film. A few predictable jump-scares but beyond that, meh.

4/10 Masks

...The Return Of HBTS!

There's been a delay I know...but we'll be back in a day or so!

Wrecker (2015)

Very much a redux/tribute to the classic Spielberg 1971 film "Duel" - two girls on a road trip are suddenly, without motivation, threatened by a wrecking truck that follows them across the wastelands.

It's a simple film, but not without it's charm. I do like the way that it stays faithful to Duel in so much as you don't get to see who is behind the wheel of the big bad truck - therefore making it mysterious, and the attacks are without reason. Just pure senseless terrorising.

Summed up, there's not much more to this than the visual aspect, but there really doesn't need to be. And that's just fine.

6/10 Masks

The Diabolical (2015)

While not groundbreaking territory, The Diabolical is one of those films that has to be admired for its sense of mystery, suspense and above all - trying to create an original concept.

In a market flooded by cookie-cutter found footage, when something a bit different comes along it's sometimes hard to know which way to receive it.

Ali Larter stars as a mother looking after her two children - the family is haunted by three nightmarish ghosts that appear at random intervals round the house and generally go round being all scary until they vanish again. One of which is a mutilated, charred corpse that drags itself around on its stumps. That one's my favourite.

It seems that the family has on the most part learned to see this as just some sort of inconvenience in their day to day and react by either ignoring them until they go away, or fighting them. However, when they engage the spooks, that's when things start to take a turn for the worse.

Now, there is a twist, and some substance to the plot. In fact it's either a great plot or one that will have you groaning.

Not mind blowing but by no means a bad movie - not your typical scare-fest.

5/10 Masks

Visions (2015)

Right, I'll get to the film in a minute - but please people, casting choices! It was bad enough seeing Jay from Inbetweeners in The Pyramid but casting Jim Parsons in a horror? Sheldon Cooper! BAZINGA! It's all you can think about.

Right - so for a movie it's a bit like something M Night Shyamalan forgot to write. Isla Fisher moves to a house and starts experiencing all these visions, she believes that the place is haunted, all her friends believe that she's lost it.

Turns out that the previous occupants of the house had the same experiences, which she then starts to investigate, driving everyone mad at the same time.

There's a reason - no spoilers.

OK, so it's not a bad concept in the slightest, they've tried to do something a bit different and for the most part it works.

Big budget, bit too polished but worth a watch on a rainy day.

5/10 Masks

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

The only thing missing from The Ghost Dimension is the ghost of the dead horse that this somehow still very popular found footage franchise is flogging.

This at least concludes the bunch....maybe. Probably not, they'll probably find another take, cave paintings or viewfinders or something.

What annoys me is the amount of dumb people in these films that seem to keep finding video cameras or projectors just laying around the place...constantly.

The Ghost Dimension goes one step further and sometimes even seems to forget who the "third person" filming the damn thing is!

Maybe it's a ghost, who knows.

Anyway in this film, some soon-to-be-dead numbskull finds ANOTHER video camera but this one can film the ghost dimension, he also finds tapes from one of the older films (they all blend into one in the end) of the two sisters and their mentor.

There's some spooky stuff, ghosts and that, things go "rah-boo!" In fact this one has the greatest number of jump-scares but other than that it's just.....these films, give up already!

3/10 Masks

"As soon as I see it's one of those f***ing found footage films I turn it off"

Ash vs The Evil Dead (TV 2015)

I don't like a lot of re-boots or making a TV show from a beloved movie franchise. Seems TV has been proving me wrong, first with the Scream TV show and now this...Ash vs The Evil Dead.

Three words, and they're all "WOW!".

The debut of this last night sees Bruce Campbell and Sam Rami team up to have Ash, 30 years on and all but washed up, once again haunted by the evil dead all because he decided to read a bit of the Necronomicon in order to impress a girl.

Not going to drop any spoilers in here but just....amazing. I hope the rest of the show keeps up this high bar from the pilot.

Mercy (2015)

Not to be confused with the 2014 Stephen King film, Mercy is a indy short by Canadian couple Jodi & Victor Cooper that follows serial killer Mercy Noble.

For a low-budget short, Mercy really is a fine piece of art, ironically so as Mercy Noble is known as "The Artist".

She realises that in the small town she lives there are a lot of depressed people who are considering suicide. Using a website where these people share their thoughts she tracks them down and helps them along to their final resting place.

Afterwards she paints a grizzly scenario in their blood. Hence, The Artist.

For such a short piece there is a lot to take out of it. I for one watched it twice in a row and still there are unanswered questions - which is why I found this such a great short and describe it, in itself as "art".

Kirsten Wight as Mercy Noble is the true star and I would not be surprised to see her again after this, as both anti-hero and posthumous narrator of Mercy she glides into the role like she was born for it.

Well put together and well thought out, although filled with glorious brutal violence it begs more of you than just enjoying the gore. I would love to see this team continue in the same vein.

8/10 Masks