Blair Witch (2016)

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the 2016 version of Blair Witch is actually NOT a re-make of the 1999 classic mother of all "Found Footage" films but a loose sequel.

Set in 2016 a group of young 'uns once again enter the Black Hills Forest, led by James, the much younger brother of Heather from the original movie who is looking for some sort of answers to her disappearance all those years ago. The Scooby Gang in completed by three friends and joined by two locals and "experts" on the Blair Witch.

Right from the start there are references to Rustin Parr - a man who was "possessed" or merely obeying the Blair Witch and killed seven children in the 1940s , making one stand facing the corner as he killed the other. This reference was featured in many of the fake documentaries around the time but I don't think it was mentioned in the original film, hence confusing a lot of people with the ending.

There is no mention of any of the events in Blair Witch 2. We presume that just didn't happen. It did, and you know it did, we just wish it didn't.

So in the 2016 sequel we get a lot of the same stuff - lots of blurry camera action as the kids run about scared out of their tiny minds screaming about such and such. People go missing, strange noises are heard in the night and the forest itself seems to have a mind if it's own. A lot of similar stuff as the original movie as well as far too many false jump-scares.

As the gang moves deeper into the forest they become confused, disorientated and one by one start to go missing.

However this time round, seventeen years on audiences need a bit more so we do actually get some scary stuff instead of just leaving it all up to what you don't see as in the original. There is also the advantage of technology as not only do the gang have Go-Pros and GPS but a drone - of course all of this fails so they just end up running in the dark while filming it.

Once again we encounter the house in the forest presumed to be the home of Rustin Parr and here *spoiler alert* we catch the odd glimpse of the witch herself. Spooky stuff.

I will say that for a sequel with big scary boots to fill it does stand up, even on it's own it would still stand up. Where as the 1999 original left lots up to your imagination and we still don't really know why the things that happened did or who indeed was behind the killings of the three young film makers - the 2016 Blair Witch only does that up to a certain point before actually moving into the realms of "...and here is the scary thingy".

It retains a lot of the suspense, there are still unexplained happenings, it's much more visual but still keeps within the same vein that you'd expect. What can I say other that - I was not let down!

9/10 Masks.

The Shallows (2016)

Since the success of Jaws people have been trying to make another decent shark movie. Maybe Deep Blue Sea aside (for the Sam Jackson scene alone) - not really any of them have been good.

The Shallows, now if you've seen 2010's The Reef and/or 2003's Open Water then you've seen this film already.

A girl goes surfing, gets wounded by a shark and ends up stranded while said shark swims about like it's got nothing better to do than try and eat her. As I'm sure that's exactly what sharks do.

If I'd never seen anything like this before then I'm sure it would have been an OK film. Sadly I have so it was just a bit of a yawn.

2/10 Masks

Cabin Fever (2016)

So let me just start off by saying that I have not actually seen the 2002 original version of the Eli Roth movie - so I had nothing to compare it to. Apparently it's something of a classic so maybe I should brush up and check that one out.

This 2016 remake apparently follows the same original script making only some changes that Eli Roth wanted to have in the original version.

A group of youngsters travel up to a secluded cabin for a chilled get away - which as we all know in horror film world just means that they're all probably going to die in one way or another, probably just as they start having sex.

So - one of them encounters a man in the woods and, ooops! He accidentally shoots him. Angry shot man comes for him later and finds him in the cabin but, this guy has some sort of infection and spreads it to some of the others.

The virus seemly eats away at your flesh and turns you a bit loopy - of course everyone starts getting infected and those that are not fight among themselves about what to do with the infected. Add to that a rabid dog lurking around and the townsfolk hell bent on stopping this infection from spreading.

Like I said, in horror movie world, you just don't go to a secluded cabin with your friends.

I really liked the slow burn of this one, you got to meet the characters and it didn't hit you in the face but built up at a great pace leaving us to the conclusion.

I will check out the remake but for a first time watching on this one, not bad at all.

5/10 Masks

31 (2016)

This long-awaited movie is without a doubt Rob Zombie's return to form. He's done a Tarantino in so much as he basically exploded onto the horror world with House Of 1000 Corpses and followed it up with The Devil's Rejects, which we all of course loved with a passion but he painted himself into a corner and put sadly his best work out their first and setting the bar very high for whatever came next.

Halloween was great but  the sequel... hmmm. Then the man just confused the hell out of us with Lords Of Salem. Personally I believe it to be an awesome movie and to be looked at as one that's not just there to give us what we want.

On to 31 - It gives you what you want. It's everything that Rob Zombie movies have led us to expect. We have the "maybe it's the 70s" flares and tight sports tees, 70s rock playing, tons of vomit-inducing violence, dirty psychopaths wearing human flesh and of course, Sherri Moon Zombie prancing about in next to nothing.

Again it borrows a lot from classic slasher films of the past - our heroes are a travelling group that encounter and are kidnapped by a gang and taken to "Murderworld" - a cross between Hostel 3 and Running Man.

Each member of the group are given survival odds by the overlookers who are betting on how long they will last as they are set loose in the compound to be hunted by a series of killers. A Spanish Nazi clown, two chainsaw-wielding clowns, the bastard offspring of Harley Quinn and Dr.Frank-N-Furter and the elite "Doom-Head".

Of course it's a ride of blood, guts, 70s FM classics and legendary soundbytes for future Death Metal albums.

While I take my head out of Mr.Zombie's rear for a while I will say that it is very familiar in style to his first two films, in fact some scenes are way too familiar as if they've been shot before. Overall however, you'll probably love it!

8/10 Masks