Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

Jane Austen's not so subtle critique of the "landed gentry" of the 1800s is well known by both schoolboy and servant, in fact anyone that has been interested in or been forced to study literature.

Very much like her own way of making what would these days pass for "ooo burn" or "lols" of that society. It's a great book, but just not a very interesting one.

A few years ago someone decided to do us all a favour and add zombies and martial arts to the book, instantly making it 100% more awesome.

Translating this into a movie just had to be done and what a splendid feast it is - can't really give you spoilers as the general theme won't leave much to guess once you've read the title. Needless to say Mr.Darcy and the Bennet girls are packing an undead-slaying arsenal.

The plot follows some basic themes and story of the original, just obviously with a world covered in zombies instead - which are a nusiance for the well-to-do.

If you're unfamiliar with Austen's work this might shoot over your head and just seem like a bit of an odd zombie flick - if you're paying attention then the cast and writing will have you bent over laughing.

Probably something of a novelty that may wear off, this could however save kids doing their English GCSE's for decades.

7/10 Masks

The Witch (2016)

One of the many "we've been waiting since the trailer" movies that finally falls in my greasy lap... The Witch.

Like that other movie about a witch from the 90s, how much I liked it only snuck up on me afterwards. On the outside, The Witch is a very bleak and simple film about a family in the 1600s that is cast out from their village for one un-puritan reason or another. Staring at corn ears or something.

Moving out to the countryside and building a farm their newborn is snatched from under their noses during a game of peek-a-boo (the evilest of games) and taken by what we presume is a witch.

What follows is a sort of "who-is-it" game where the children get taken or possessed and strange things happen, evil and witchcraft is suspected and maybe one of the children is in league with the devil. Two creepy twins that talk to and play with a black goat maybe doesn't help. It's all very slow and very character-focused with not much action or revelation until the last 15 minutes or so.

The whole feeling of the film is not a million miles from 2009's "Antichrist" for it's minimalist tone, which does add to the tension.

Ralph "Finchy" Ineson plays the father of the family in one of his first roles where he's not Finchy I believe.

Where as it's not jump-scary or reliant on effects and gore it sits with you and the tension builds and sucks you in. In the end Finchy beats the Witch by challenging her to a game of throwing a copper kettle over a pub.

Ok that may not happen. The climax will win you over though. And that's Blockbusters.

8/10 Masks

The Forest (2016)

Oh and the trailer was SO promising....

Well here we go, a little hiatus from the blog and I'm back to watching "horror"... The Forest however is not one that is going to make me lose any sleep, although it did manage to make me waste an hour and a bit...

I thought that this was one of those remakes of an Asian movie where they just use the same location and actors but crowbar a few American actors in, ie: The Ring, The Grudge etc - so I was quite surprised to find out that this was an original piece.

Sarah (played by Natalie Dormer aka "that one out of Game Of Thrones") has lost her sister Jess (also played by Dormer, 'cos they is twins) after she travelled to Japan and has gone in to the Aokigahara forest, famous for people going there to top themselves.

Worried that this might be the case that suicide is on the cards Sarah travels to Japan and goes off in search of her sister, despite being warned by everyone not to go alone/off the path/etc and because as in all films no one has a f**king mobile phone. Instead she relies on her "special twin sixth sense" which is about as much use as asking the cat to do the washing up.

The forest is filled with spooky ghosts and stuff and apparently will make your senses imagine things that would make you drive yourself to death...which is pretty good as the forest does as advertised and will actually help you along the way.

Anyway, she bumps into this other American bloke, and they go off in search of the missing sister and spooky stuff happens but it's not that spooky and then a massive pile of "well I saw that coming about an hour ago" happens and then it's the end.

And unlike Game Of Thrones she keeps her kit on throughout whole film. A few predictable jump-scares but beyond that, meh.

4/10 Masks

...The Return Of HBTS!

There's been a delay I know...but we'll be back in a day or so!